Whether you’re single this Valentine’s Day or you’re like me and just don’t particularly care for it, you may want to use the day for some self love!
And if it’s not Valentine’s day anymore when you’re reading it, that’s okay! Self love is a great thing to focus on any time of the year.
Most people are familiar with the idea of self love and its importance. As a society we often neglect truly appreciating ourselves and even worse, are full of negative self talk.
I won’t go much further into the topic, we’re all aware of it, we all know the benefits of loving yourself more.
So let’s hop right to the fun stuff!
I wanted to create a self love ritual. But I wanted it to be super customizable.
A lot of self love rituals call for pink this, pink that, take a bath, write yourself a letter, etc.
I personally hate the color pink.
I don’t wear it, I have very few things that are pink, I just don’t like it for varying reasons.
So for me, pink does not give me self love vibes. At all.
It makes me annoyed and uncomfortable.
Which made me think that there are likely a lot of people out there that don’t resonate with the typical self love correspondences but who still want to focus on self love every now and then.
So I’m here to give you a sort of DIY ritual, a framework with ideas you can choose from to create something personal and unique to you.
After all, self love is about as personal as you can get!
I’ll start off with the basic structure, then give you options to fill in the steps.
- Set the mood
- Get rid of negative thoughts
- Invite in positive self talk
- Give yourself something
- Conclude the ritual
a note about correspondences
You’ll notice that in the options below I don’t talk much about things that correspond to self love. This is very much on purpose.
I find that focusing on correspondence can sometimes take the individuality away from workings. And it is important to focus on your individual self more than ever with self love.
This is about YOU and no one else.
So take the opportunity to explore what you connect with, what you love, what makes you happy and feel secure. If that happens to be rose petals and rose quartz, awesome! If it happens to be black candles and orange oil, go for it!
If you still would like to include items with a particular correspondence, of course that’s okay too. I’m not here to tell anyone how to work their magic. There are many resources out there for finding correspondences, this post just isn’t one of them.
With that out of the way, let’s get to some options!
Set the mood
Think about where you want to do this ritual. Do you want to be at your altar? In the bath? Outside? Pick a space that you are completely comfortable in and consider what you want to add to the environment. With all of these steps, choose as many of the options as you want, and add your own if you think of something else!
Cleanse the space – If you’d like, use smoke, a bell, a besom, or another method to cleanse your space before you begin.
Take a bath – A lot of people of fond of bath spells and rituals in general. A nice, soothing, warm bath would be excellent for some self love time. Choose things to put in the water like herbs, flowers, salts, maybe a bath bomb. Use things that you enjoy and that make you happy!
Candles – Possibly the witchiest way to create ambiance. Candles always get me in the mood for some witchy activity no matter the purpose.
Crystals – No matter where you are doing your ritual, you can keep crystals on or around you, grab some of your favorites or what you are drawn to in the moment.
Incense – A ritual isn’t complete without some smokey incense going. Just like with everything else, pick what makes you happy.
Music – Go with what you need. You might want something energetic. Maybe you want something soothing. Or perhaps silence is best for you today.
Clothing – Wrap up in something soft and cozy. Or don’t wear anything at all! Do what makes you feel the most comfortable and loved.
Meditation – I like to start just about everything with a meditation and breath work. It is a great way to open the connection to yourself.
Journal – You may want to open your ritual time with journaling about your feelings toward yourself. Don’t feel the need to stay positive yet, but try not to focus on the negative. Use these thoughts to build the rest of your ritual.
Cast a circle – If this is something that is part of your practice and/or makes you feel safe and secure, do it!
Connect with deities and guides – If you feel your guides might be able to help you out make that connection. But, make sure the focus still remains on your connection to and feelings towards yourself, not them.
get rid of negativity
A lot of people, myself included, have a hard time with self love because of negative self talk. We pick on ourselves in one way or another and become blind to the good. So, before looking to the good, let’s get rid of the bad.
Write down negative statements and destroy them – This is my favorite. Writing these thoughts acknowledges them, and physically destroying them is incredibly powerful. My personal favorite is to burn them (in a heat proof container, of course) but you could also drown them (especially if doing this outside by water) or rip them up if fire isn’t your thing.
Acknowledge parts of your body you dislike – Many of us have body image issues in one form or another. Single out the parts of your body you dislike and put your hands there. Send that spot some loving energy, imagine the negativity melting away. Apologize if it feels appropriate.
Chakra/energy clearing – There are many guided meditations out there for clearing out the gunk that gets trapped in our energy. A good place to start would be the heart chakra
Visualization – This method would work well if you have more general negative views about yourself. get into a meditative state and visualize the negativity releasing from your body. Let your mind form this however it wants. It might float out in a cloud, maybe it oozes out, or maybe it is a shell cracking off of your skin. Go with it and let it release and dissipate.
Cleanse – Maybe all you need is a bit of a personal cleanse! Use your favorite cleansing method to remove any negative thoughts and feelings toward yourself. Surround yourself in your favorite cleansing smoke, take a cleansing shower, or ring a bell or singing bowl.
Re-frame negatives – You might run in to “negative” aspects of yourself that you know you need to accept rather than get rid of. Take a moment to re-frame these ideas into something you can work on. I’m a major procrastinator which proabably isn’t going away any time soon. Do I beat myself up for it? No, I just makes sure that when I post about a valentine’s day self love ritual the evening of valentines day, I also include something about how the ritual can be done any time! And then I work on being better about planning ahead!
Invite the positive
Now we’ve released the bad and have room for the good! Some of this can definitely happen in conjunction with getting rid of the negative, you may want to focus on transforming in one step rather than breaking it up like I have here, you do you!
Affirmations – Write out positive affirmations for things you currently believe and more importantly, things you want to believe about yourself. Head to this post for how to do that. Write out as many as you want and read through them with energy. If you’re up to it, read them out loud, in a mirror to yourself if you want to pack the most punch!
Dance – Put on some fun, positive music and dance! Raise the energy and channel it into how you feel about yourself. Some of my most confident and loving moments have been while dancing. I may be a little biased about this one since I’ve been a dancer my whole life, but these moments aren’t usually in class or on stage. They’re when I’m dancing just to have fun and enjoy myself!
Appreciate your body – Whether you went through the exercise above to release negativity towards certain parts of your body, you’ve been through physical trauma, or you just want to give your physical body some love. Take some time to thank your body for supporting you and always being there no matter what.
Write yourself a love letter – Maybe you want to express your self love through words, write a note! Write it as if you are someone else, someone who you care about deeply and who you want to learn to see how awesome they really are.
Visualization – Imagine yourself enveloped in warmth and love, maybe floating in the clouds or on a calm body of water. Visualize something that makes you feel loved.
Crystals – If crystals are your thing, use them! Soak up whatever crystal energy you feel will help you.
Divination – If you need/want a little guidance, turn to your favorite divination method. Pull a card, throw your runes, try a spread. Let this help you find areas of yourself you need to focus on.
Give yourself something
Most rituals and spells won’t just make something happen, you need to put in some continued effort. Give yourself something to do this with, something that makes you happy
Create something to look at daily – Maybe you want to decorate a candle or candle holder that you use specifically to work on self love. Maybe you want to paint or draw something dedicated to yourself. Make something and put your self loving energy in it.
Affirmations – If you created affirmations earlier, keep track of them and say a few each day. Maybe make a sigil out of one to use later.
Spoil yourself with intent – Is there a pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing? A book? Maybe you want to treat yourself to an nice dinner. Decide to give yourself something you’ll enjoy, just because you love yourself and you deserve it. Be smart about this one of course, there’s no need to go broke to love yourself!
Give a crystal intent – Choose a crystal or stone to keep around specifically to encourage self love. Maybe it’s just a plain rock. Whatever it is, put in in your purse, keep it on your altar, keep it in your pocket, anywhere that is accessible when you need it. Hold it and breathe whenever you feel the negative self talk returning.
Find a quote or mantra – Find something you can remember or keep somewhere that you can repeat to yourself or read whenever you need a boost.
Close your self love ritual
Hopefully at this point you’ll be in a place that’s full of love for yourself. Take some time to bring yourself back to the real world, while maintaining the loving feelings
If you casted a circle, close it.
If you called on guides, thank them.
Extinguish any candles you lit, thanking them if you’d like.
Reconnect with your body, especially if you did a lot of meditation/visualization work. Take some time to do some light stretching or yoga. Eat something tasty to replenish your energy.
Try closing your ritual with a bell or singing bowl.
Final thoughts and my own ritual
Hopefully this gave you some ideas for making your own self love ritual!
It is so easy to get caught up in giving attention to others, thinking negatively about ourselves, and daily life in general. We forget to give love to ourselves and often do the opposite. I hope you take some time to do even just one of these activities!
As for my own ritual, I will be doing it tomorrow night. I’ll start with lighting some candles, my usual one black and one white. I’ll light some incense and put on music, whatever I’m feeling in the moment. My ritual space is in front of my altar in a corner of my bedroom which is always cold so I’ll be bundled up in something cozy.
Then I will write out my negative thoughts and burn them. I’ll also make note of some of those unchangeable things that I just have to work with.
After that I’m not sure what I’ll pick! I might dance. I might write some affirmations. Maybe I’ll do a tarot spread. Or perhaps I’ll do all of it! Depends on how I’m feeling in the moment.
I’m working on using affirmations this month so that’s one thing I’ll give myself for sure. I might add something if that doesn’t quite do it.
When I’m done I will extinguish and thank my candles (anyone else? Just me?) and end with my singing bowl. And let’s be real, I’ll probably eat a Girl Scout cookie or two. Or five.
What are your favorite self love activities?